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This Dungeons & Dragons campaign started in 2016 using the Lamentations of the Flame Princess rules, then moving to fifth edition D&D in 2020.

We have a rotating cast of players. Feel free to drop in for one session or every session — no pressure. We started playing over video chat (Jitsi or Zoom) because of the pandemic, and we still do because of the convenience.

Create a character on https://www.dndbeyond.com/ in advance of play if you want, or else we can help you create a character during the game. As of 2024, our characters are ninth level, so you can create a new ninth-level character.

See the list of characters and players.

2024 May 2 Session Report — How Do You Like Your Dragon Cooked?

Ed: DMing; Paul: Zoozeki (high elf wizard 9); Scott: Smudge (shadar-kai rogue 7 / barbarian 2) and Martin (dwarf cleric 9); Matt G.: Roscoe (halfling bard 9), Dane: Tudo (dwarf cleric 9).

This was a short weeknight session, essentially tidying up after we killed the dragon last session.

DM Ed tells us that killing dragon and Anaxagoras counts as a milestone, so we’ve all bumped up to level 10!

Barbecue image copyright (c) 2011. Eric Pancer. Creative Commons 3.0 (Attribution).

Tudo parleys with the goblins we’d rescued from the dragon, and determines that they know the rough location of the dragon’s lair and will guide us. The goblins describe an underwater entrance on an island northwest of our present location, probably Nisi Akanonistos.

Meanwhile, Roscoe rides Zoozeki (still polymorphed into a mosasaurus) out to sea to harass the fleeing remnants of the enemy fleet. Roscoe plays his drum and taunts the enemy soldiers as Zoozeki swims near their ships.

They fire crossbows at Rosco. Rosco slides down Zoozeki’s scaly side, like a cowboy side-riding a horse, but three bolts hit and grievously wound him. Roscoe retaliates by killing one of the crossbowmen with vicious mockery.

Zoozeki decides to leave to prevent Roscoe from dying, but he smashes the ship’s rudder with his giant tail as he comes about. The ship is crippled, and the other ships keep sailing away. Zoozeki and Roscoe swim to shore, where Tudo heals Roscoe.

Our apemen myrmidons erect a palisade and set up camp on Big Orange Key before butchering and (under the expert culinary direction of Tudo) barbecuing the dragon. Booze flows freely.

After the feast, everyone divides the non-meat dragon parts. Every member of the party takes enough dragons scales for at least one suite of armor, which still leaves plenty for our apemen troops to divide according to their traditions and stow aboard our ships. Zoozeki preserves the dragon’s heart in one of the recently depleted cask of spirits for his arcane purposes.

Next session: on the trail of the dead dragon’s lair.

2024 Apr 12 Session Report — Red Dragon Rodeo

Ed: DMing; Paul: Zoozeki (high elf wizard 9); Scott: Smudge (shadar-kai rogue 7 / barbarian 2) and Martin (dwarf cleric 9); Matt G.: Roscoe (halfling bard 9), Dane: Tudo (dwarf cleric 9), Steve: Kristabelle (half-orc fighter 9), Sebastian: Xenon (high-elf wizard 9).

Last time, we engaged the Anaxagoras’s main fleet, sank him along with his flag ship and his wizard, and then a red dragon arrived!

Kristabelle and Xenon wander out of the island jungle near where Smudge has been hiding from the dragon.

With close observation (Arcana check), Xenon thinks the dragon is Adult.

Smudge sinks an arrow into the dragon.

Xenon’s skeleton minions fire arrows at the (unconscious/dead?) Anaxagoras. Being struck apparently revives Anaxagoras, who staggers to his feet to orate a fine speech about the rightness of his struggle against his uncle and the inevitability of his victory before dropping stone dead.

Anaxagoras’s Death Oration (see Jonah 3:2-7, KJV):

“The waters compassed me about, even to the soul, the depths close me round about, and I went down to the mountains under the water and there I learned, from Zeus my mighty patron, that I SHOULD HAVE DISOBEYED, my cause is RIGHTEOUS, and I will PREVAIL over my bastard uncle who is NO BLOOD OF APE ROYALTY!”

Whereupon Anaxagoras fell dead.

Kristabelle charges the dragon and carves a horrible, sizzling gash in its neck with her flaming sword Rahalt the Combuster.

The dragon makes a wing attack, slamming Kristabell to the ground, and takes to the air, glowering balefully over everyone with frightfull presense.

Tudo uses control water to surf the ship with himself, Rosco, and Zoozeki onboard, The Grampus, to the fight.

The dragon wheels in the air, and breathes fire at Kristabell, raising big blisters on her charred green skin.

Kristabell psi-powered leaps into the air like a super hero, landing securing astride the neck of the flying dragon!

Meanwhile, Zoozeki’s invisible talk has stolen all the sails from three enemy cogs. And, on shore, Xenon animates the damp, shaggy body of Anaxagoras.

Zoozeki shoots forth a lightning bolt that annoys the dragon more than harms it.

The dragon tries to swat Kristabelle off his back, but she uses her extraordinary athletic ability to remain astride its neck despite the blow.

Smudge shot an arrow at the dragon for 32 damage.

Martin, who had been treading water since sinking the enemy flagship last session, lift dripping into the air.

Our heroes (mostly Kristabelle) have managed to inflict 247 damage on the dragon, but it’s still throwing around its frightful presense and trying to dislodge Kristabelle like a bucking bull.

Zoozeki, noticing how many injuries Kristabelle has sustained, dispels his invisible stalker, casts fly on himself, and soars the dragon.

With one last, desperate, devastating thrust, Kristabelle plunges Rahalt into the neck of her unwilling mount. The dragon falls limp and starts to tumble in a crimson twist toward the waves.

Zoozeki has his blue-footed booby familiar (who’d been flying near the dragon) touch Kristabell. Zoozeki releases concentration of his own fly spell to cast fly on Kristabell through his familiar. Kristabelle flies, while Zoozeki drifts down hither and thither toward the ocean, slowed by his ring of feather falling.

As Kristabelle launches off the dragon’s neck, she notices a pack strapped to the back of the dragon and cuts it free. The pack squirms and something inside shouts for help in Goblin as Kristabelle deposits the it on the deck of the Grampus.

Martin, still floating over the water like a dark cloud, casts conrol water and begins to suck enemy ships under the waves. The courage of the enemy sailors fails at the specacle of so many of their sunken ships, and they set sail to the northwest.

Zoozeki polymorphs into a mosasaurus (HD 9) and pulls the red dragon corpse to shore.

Several goblins, freed from the dragon’s pouch by Kristabelle, watch with trepidation while squeaking that they had been destined to be snacks for the dragon.

Plan for next time: find the dragon’s lair and treasure, and maybe pursue the remaining enemy fleet.

Monsters defeated: Anaxagoras, an adult red dragon, eight enemy ships

Treasure: Anaxagoras’s bronze short sword and breast plate

Abominations raised from the dead: Anaxagoras (rebellious nephew of Ootherion, apeman king)

2024 March 29 Session Report — A Dragon Diving

This session left some open questions we might want to revisit.

1. Where is the flying boat from the pharoah’s tomb?
2. Where are the several Mauser Kar98ks and ammo (how much ammo?) from the Nazi submarine? Are they loaded on the skeleton yak or stashed in the flying boat? Are they somewhere else? Did they make it to the new planet?
3. Where is the Screaming for Vengeance bronze eagle from the Nazi sub?

The session began with the party’s small fleet on the south side of Big Orange Key, with the weather gage in their favor (wind from the southeast). The enemy fleet, which bore the flags of Ootherion’s renegade nephew Anaxagoras, was on the north side of Big Orange Key. They were largely unharmed by the tidal wave from last session. Strength:

12 galleys

3 cogs

2 fast sloops

They began to sail out of the harbor on the north side of Big Orange.

Roscoe case Legend Lore on the Darkness Rod and learned its history.

The party’s s scouting familiars saw a figure who looked like Anaxagoras and an apparent wizard on the enemy fleet’s flagship. At this point, Paul took over as DM.

Martin and Smudge landed on Big Orange Key. Zoozecki sent an invisible stalker, who stole all the sails right off the flagship’s masts. The flagship’s sailors tried to get other ships’ attention, and some of the others turned to try to regroup. A galley tied itself to the flagship and started trying to tow it away.

Smudge cast invisibility on Martin, then hid in the undergrowth near the shore. Martin tried to swim to the flagship. He cast Control Water and tried to get in range to let the spell loose with effect.

Meanwhile, the rest of the party and their fleet sailed around Big Orange Key. Disgusting thick white fog poured out of the enemy wizard’s robes. The fog snaked towards the party’s ships, and as it approached, skeletal fingers formed out of the fog and the friendly sailors felt an intense cold.

Meanwhile, Martin opened a “trench” in the water almost directly underneath the flagship using Control Water. The flagship and the tethered galley teetered on the edge of the magical trench. From the flagship’s deck, Anaxagoras drew out a huge duck whistle and sounded it over and over. A monstrous shadow appeared overhead – a red dragon. The flagship and galley pitched and teetered into the trench, with the red dragon power-diving into the trench just behind them. Martin closed the trench using his Control Water spell, turning the water into a giant whirlpool engulfing the flagship, galley, and dragon.

The magical fog that poured forth from the enemy wizard continued to terrify the party and the myrmidons with every gleam of the setting sun, making them think they faced the very legions of Hell.

Martin swam back towards the shore and is hit (?).

The red dragon exploded out of the water and “Free Willyed” onto the shore of Big Orange Key. Water poured off the dragon like rain as it flew threw the air. It made a horrible noise, its jaws opened impossibly wide (about 180 degrees), and as it landed on the shore it vomited up a huge jet of water and the body of an ape-man who looked like Anaxagoras. Smudge, who was still hiding in the undergrowth less than one hundred feet from where the dragon beached itself, looked on with horror.

The party’s flagship, the Eidolon, was at this point 600-1000′ away from the shore. The party rolled initiative and we ended the game for the night (as I recall).

2024 March 14 Session Report — Naval Victory at Big Orange Key

Ed: DMing; Paul: Zoozeki (high elf wizard 9); Scott: Smudge (shadar-kai rogue 7 / barbarian 2) and Martin (dwarf cleric 9); Matt G.: Roscoe (halfling bard 9).

Last time, we decided to sail to Big Orange Key with the hope that the tidal wave we caused (oops) using the Apocalypse Rod disrupted Anaxagorus’s fleet.

Smudge asks our ape myrmidons if anything is on Big Orange Key. They tell us the island was traditionally just orange groves, but fifty years ago speculators from the far north discovered something under the ground and bought up land. Oranges are still grown there, but there’s some kind of secret delving now. One ape says there’s something weird about the oranges from Big Orange Key now; they’re different than they were years ago and tainted somehow. [Oil erupting from the ground?]

We see ships in a little bay. Two ships like ours and one cog (Christopher Columbus style ship). The rigging of the latter is messed up. People are running around on the decks trying to repair things and work pumps. The flags and insignias confirm these are Anaxagorus’s men. The crew are a mix of humans and ape men. Each war galley has a ballista on the bow (as do ours).

Martin casts control water to open a fifty-foot deep trench under all three enemy ships. The ships are all swamped. Martin turns the control water into a whirlpool.

Meanwhile, our apes fire missiles at the people in the water.

We ask the myrmidons what the best mopping up strategy is. They say to hold until the vortex to stop.

Zoozeki will watch our myrmidons to gauge their reactions. So far, everybody seems pleased with the victory. Zoozeki plans to later privately ask our captains if any of our apes have relationships with the houses whose insignias we saw on the enemy ships.

Zoozeki sends out his blue-footed booby to scout on and above and under the waves. Flying high the booby sees another fleet on the north side of the island, a fleet of twelve gallies and three cogs. And two fast sloops. They’re packing up and heading out. The booby also sees a circling hawk, likely an enemy familiar.

2024 March 2 Session Report — Oops, a Tidal Wave

Ed: DMing; Paul: Zoozeki (high elf wizard 9); Scott: Smudge (shadar-kai rogue 7 / barbarian 2) and Martin (dwarf cleric 9); Matt G.: Roscoe (halfling bard 9). Steven popped in briefly to say hello.

Last session, the cleared out the last enemies in the wizard’s lair on the island of La Petite Chou.

This session, the party finished exploring the last couple rooms of the wizard’s lair, and deciding:

• Is it worth messing with the Apocalypse Rod in the museum, labelled with a sign reading: “Do not touch. Tomb of Andoma. Legend says it caused the doom of Amok. Three dwarves examined it; none survived.”
• Where do we go next?

Roscoe cast Legends Lore on the Apocalypse Rod, and learned that:

• Andoma was a very speculative entity, like Gilgamesh, who supposedly lived in the interior hollow world of this planet.
• He was a warlord who rose to power with Necromancy and evocation magic.
• He was slain by a usurper who could not control Andoma’s rod, so he buried it with Andoma.
• Centuries later, dwarves found Andoma’s grave.
• The dwarves took the rod and harnessed its powers, which are rumored to include moving and blasting earth.
• They used it to build the dwarf city of Amarq.
• Amarq flurished for a thousand years until and outer world dwarf, Dolger Steelbelly, entered the city and betrayed it by opening the gates to dark elves.
• The dark elves sacked the city and killed most of the dwarves.
• A few dwarves escaped in an earth ship powered by a one-inch section of the rod.
• The rod used to be 18 inches; we’re looking at an 8-inch segment.
• But, wherever they went, the dwarves always felt the curse of the rod’s necromacy, even as they harnessed the evocation power.

Zoozeki thinks the magic the rod radiates is powerful and dangerous, but it couldn’t have done all the things the legend says. The level of danger is hard to estimate, but Zoozeki knows there are lots of magic items masquerading as other things to lure in and curse the gullible.

Zoozeki uses mage hand to put the Apocolypse Rod in this Leomund’s Secret Chest and sends it to the ethereal plane. The earth quakes alarmingly! A few of the Myrmidons have been injured, one critically injured. Martin casts aura of vitality for a full minute and heals most of the myrmidons.

We head back to the beach, and see a huge tidal wave heading out in all directions. The apes are alarmed.

Zoozeki casts contact other plane.

Q: How severely will the tidal wave we just saw damage the city of the ape men? A: Little.

Q: Will any of the immediate family of the myrmidons we’re with be killed by the wave? A: Unlikely

Q: Will the forces of Ootherion’s nephew, Anaxagorus, be harmed by the wave? A: Probably.

Q: Where is Ootherion’s nephew, Anaxagorus? A: Cratér

Q: Where is is the most advantageous place for us to next strike the forces of Ootherion’s nephew, Anexagerous? A: Orange

Since Little Orange Key would probably be sheltered from the tidal wave by Tranquility Island, sailing to Big Orange Key seems like the most likely opportunity to hit Anaxagorus’s troops.

Next time: we hit (or at least scout) Big Orange Key.

Enemies defeated: none

Treasure: magic sixteen-inch adjustable wrench

2024 February 17 Session Report — Just Add Water

Ed: DMing; Paul: Zoozeki (high elf wizard 9); Scott: Smudge (shadar-kai rogue 7 / barbarian 2) and Martin (dwarf cleric 9); Dane: Tudo (dwarf cleric 9)

Continuing from last session, on the island of La Petite Chou, having defeated a powerful wizard in order to recover a magic flask, the party continues exploration of the wizard’s cave lair.

In the museum (see last session) we find that the gift shop offers a tiny “just add water” dwarf in cheap cellophane packaging. Zoozeki can’t resist pouring liquid on the tiny, enspunged dwarf, which grows dramatically into the dwarf Cleric Tudo. New PC; and welcome new player, Dane!

Tudo was a crew member of the dwarf land ship we saw a model of in the museum (the D.E.S. War-Spite). The captain, Ormik Steelbelly, had him shrunk for getting stuck in a doorway. Tudo isn’t sure how long it’s been since he was shrunk.

We explored most of the rest of the lair, including what seems to be an old dwarf facility with a catwalk and a Warhammer 40K-ish mech. We killed the mech by having Zoozeki reduce it, crushing the artificially preserved dwarf entombed inside it, like an orange in a juicer.

Enemies defeated: dwarf mech, a bunch of slightly tough orcs (defeated with the help of our ape myrmidons)

Treasure: A magic necklace of prayer beads with six beads, one of each kind.

Islands of the Ape Men Map (2023)

Gods: Ellinikós Pimenikós

One of the first and perhaps only official deities of our campaign is Ellinikós Pimenikós, the god of sorting livestock by size. Ellinikós Pimenikós, the god, seems to have been inspired by the Greek Shepherd.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_Shepherd

The Greek Shepherd or Greek Sheepdog (Greek: Ελληνικός Ποιμενικός, Ellinikós Pimenikós) is a breed of livestock guardian dog from Greece. Thought to be ancient in origin, the Greek Shepherd is very closely related to livestock guardian dog breeds from neighbouring countries; it is believed that some dogs are simultaneously claimed to be other breeds as they migrate annually across national borders with the flocks they protect in search seasonal pastures.